Chutzpah’s Weekly Barometer

by Katie on September 2, 2011

A light hearted look back over the past week’s good, bad and indifferent including the “don’t even go there’s”.

GUIDO PAULO’S BARETTE HAIR LOOK FOR ALEXANDER MCQUEEN A/W’11  Wow!  Silver and black barette clips are used to esconce the head to create a modernist Joan of Arc armour helmet. Strong, powerful and easy to replicate.

KREAYSHAWN ‘GUCCI GUCCI’ – We might be late to the Kreayshawn table but Team Chutzpah isn’t too vanilla to go ghetto on occasion. “Gucci Gucci, Louis Louis, Fendi Fendi Prada, basic bitches wear that shit so I don’t even bother” – THE ultimate soundtrack to the upcoming fashion weeks. The shizzle.

PAISLEY – Bubbling under thanks to J.W. Anderson.  More sophisticated and much less chipshop than the ubiquitous polka dots.

‘SAVAGE BEAUTY’ – London’s V & A is rumoured to be keen to host the MET’s blockbuster McQueen exhibit. Hopefully ‘our boy’ is finally coming home.

JESSIE WALLACE’S WEDDING – Couldn’t get any more ‘Stenders if Pat barged in and knocked the philandering groom out with one of her earrings. Guilty schadenfreude.

MARKS & SPENCER – New adverts starring Hollywood heartthrob Ryan Reynolds and Rosie Huntington-Whitely brushes the cobwebs off Britain’s favourite brand and banishes the memories of Twiggy’s mumsy coven. PLUS their Collezione campaign features Dolce & Gabbana fave David Gandy. Welcome back Marks & Spencer!

LANVIN’S AUTUMN/WINTER 2011 CAMPAIGN – Katie literally whooped when she saw this – the humour, the clothes, the moves.  Just GENIUS. The double-page print ads are as on-point as ever but a Steven Meisel-directed viral video, featuring supermodels Karen Elson and Raquel Zimmerman getting their freak on to Pitbull, is the talk of the industry. Nice cameo from Alber at the end too.  We love.

TOM FORD’S COLOR COSMETICS  As chic and well packaged as the man himself.  Arrives in London and Dublin (Brown Thomas) today.

DOCTORS’ BAGS – Leave the satchels to the schoolkids, this season’s must-have bags owe more to Doctor Findlay than Fotherington-Thomas.

FASHION156.COM – The e-zine celebrates its fifth birthday and a limited range of T-shirts in collaboration with 20 up-and-coming London designers. Available to buy from the relaunched website from September 1st.

THE LTD EDITION SWAROVSKI FRACAS – Exclusively at Harrods, this is bling in a good way applied to one of Chutzpah’s heady fave scents by Robert Piguet. Swarovski element crystals embellish each facet of the bottle as well as topped with a crystallized stopper.  And only £700 for 60ml.  Sign me up for 2 or actually, I’ll just have the litre version at £8500.

CORINNE DAY/THE FACE AT GIMPEL FILS (DAVIES STREET) – A retrospective of the (at times) controversial and visionary photographer, featuring a young Kate Moss and iconic fashion stories from The Face’s early 90’s heyday. Until October 1st.

THAT ‘WARRIOR’ POSTER – We don’t need to see the film, this image of a worked-out and toughened-up Tom Hardy’s abs of steel is enough for us.

THE KILLING – We missed it first time round and are totally GRIPPED at its repeat on #BBC4.  And just how often can Sarah Lund wear *that* jumper without it needing a good Stergene? Plentiful Danish røde sild (red herrings).

BBC CUTBACKS –   See above.  Reports suggest that the Beeb intends to scale back BBC4, the home of almost everything worth the licence fee, and reposition the channel as an “arts & archive” station. Sign the Save BBC4 petition HERE

GOURMET FAST FOOD – This contradiction in terms is meant to lure us away from our pre-fashion week diet. We don’t care and we doubt that the average Domino’s customer does either.

MAN-GRO – Selfridges, aware that one of fashion’s obsessions du jour includes infantilising men, tells us that this man-sized romper suit is “comfortable, soft and the most practical solution to ensure a restful night’s sleep”, however we find it a worrying glimpse into the shady world of adult baby fetishism, and it wouldn’t surprise us in the slightest if half of the current Con-Dem front bench own one.  Bitchy?  us?

NADINE DORRIES – Words fail us when discussing this dangerously confused woman, and mouthpiece of the Christian Right. We even suspect that David Cameron only allows her neolithic views on abortion airtime because it detracts from the Conservative Party’s plans to rip the backbone out of the NHS.  If only some tabloid would do us a favour please and dig dirt on her.

‘I DON’T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT’ – Allegedly based on a bestseller that none of our friends will admit to have read, this archaic chick-lit fluff probably appeals to viewers of ‘Loose Women’ but leaves us colder than frozen. As ever, SJP’s myriad of outfits for her globetrotting press junket are more appealing to us than the synopsis of this movie, and we think we all know how she does *that*.

OVERSHARING – Not just Sinead O’Connor’s assertion of her sex drive, but the Internet has given a voice to a whole host of needy people (mostly women, unfortunately) who feel the urge to inform us of their personal and private woes, often with a sideways glance and a wryly-raised eyebrow. Please stop. Your privates aren’t as entertaining as you imagine they are.  Not everyone gets a book deal.

OBTRUSIVE MUSIC – In shops (Shop at Bluebird, we’re looking at you), at restaurants and bars, during ‘Holby City’… The soundtrack in some stores is loud enough to cause an aneurism. We might sound like we’re turning into our mothers but nobody can seriously be expected to finger the merchandise and contemplate parting with multo-dosh with Adele (and it is ALWAYS Adele) squawking in their ears.

JOURS APRES LUNES ‘FILLE’ RANGE – Lingerie for 4-to12 year-old girls. We won’t show you a picture, we don’t want our names on some register. Those “Bohemian” French, eh?  Tsk.

THE RETURN OF ‘ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS’ – Don’t get us wrong, we LOVED Jennifer Saunders’ sitcom back in the day – which is where it belongs.  Katie quite literally lived Ab-Fab in the early 80’s (at the PR agency that it was based on), and can confirm that the truth is actually far more hilarious than the fiction, but the episodes planned later this year to celebrate the series’ 20th anniversary promise to be as over-hyped and underwhelming as the last time Edina and Patsy hit our screens. It’s time to lay these past-it parodies to rest.  Moving on.

Please let us know what you think of this week’s Barometer compiled by Katie Chutzpah and Lee Clatworthy (@Teamchutzpah).
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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Cherie City September 2, 2011 at 11:06 pm

Yeah, kreayshawn! Team Chutzpah got swag! 🙂


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