Chutzpah’s Weekly Barometer

by Katie on June 11, 2012

A light hearted look back over the past week’s good, bad and indifferent including the “don’t even go there’s”.

Kylie – Putting other younger artists to shame *cough* CHERYL (what’s with the re-invented one name, love?) *cough* performing for the Queen in custom Judy Blame. Oh, and the video to her new single ‘Timebomb’ is pretty slammin’ too.

Color Frame – Amazing new iPhone app (by Fujitsu Laboratories) which analyses your skin for dullness, spots, and pore size. Launches later this year, so plenty of time to book that emergency dermabrasion.

Balenciaga – The new men’s leather accessories range for Autumn/Winter, including a toiletries bag, duffle, and a blue holdall with pockets that has Team Chutzpah in tears, is practically Luggage Porn.

‘In the Best Possible Taste’ (Channel 4) – Grayson Perry cements his National Institution status with this charming three-part documentary series for Channel 4 in which the Turner Prize-winning artist explores British taste and notions of class with a grounded, non patronising and objective perspective. A man of the people. We love.

House of Hackney – The cult interiors brand’s first ready-to-wear collection of slouchy dip-dyed smock dresses and distressed knits features a heavy dose of their signature vintage-inspired prints. Available from Liberty, Village Bicycle and the House of Hackney website.

Toms – The Espadrilles That Ate East London team up with a host of British fashion designers to create one-of-a-kind shoes to be auctioned in aid of Fashion Awareness Direct, a charity which supports young people wishing to develop careers in the fashion industry. The seven designers include London stalwart Pam Hogg, the Felder sisters, and new director of Harrods’ Urban Retreat spa, Charlie Le Mindu.

ES Skincare Air Flight Spritz Spray – Wonder how those rich bitches that always turn left on planes stay looking so dazzlingly dewy? This fusion of plant extracts and hydrolats can even be used over make-up.

Fortnum & Mason’s Perfume Dept – Even more of a SCREAM! moment now that the superior and gifted buying team have added such niche excellence as Parfums MDCI (with the best Chypre, Chypre Palatin, Ms Chutzpah has ever experienced), Xerjoff (with a specially created fragrance, Alexandria for F&M) and the unbelievable Maison Dorin fragrances that date back to The Royal Court of Versailles (1780). Throw in Grossmith, Caron, Creed and Piguet and you have pure hedonistic heaven for any serious fumehead. Katie may just move there.

Jane Carr and Matches – Former Versace textiles designer Jane Carr announces a new capsule range of limited edition scarves for the West London shopping haven, featuring bold designs and hand-painted cashmere.

Emelio De La Morena – Calling all budding filmmakers looking for a career launch pad. The Spanish designer, known for his sultry and provocative style, is searching for emerging directors to create a film showcasing his pre-Spring 2013 collection as part of London Fashion Week’s Fash/On Film initiative. The chosen applicant will receive full mentoring and professional support through the production process

Torrential UK Rain – OK, enough already with this greyness and wetness. It is June.

Alexander McQueen – After a storming Spring/Summer collection, there seems to be an ever-widening gulf between McQueen: The Brand and the rather uninspiring frocks modelled by current figurehead, the Duchess of Cambridge, running deeper than what happens on the catwalk and the selling rail. We’re not the only ones who’ve noticed either

@ChoupettesDiary – Someone has put far too much time and effort into such a mediocre joke.

Diet Goggles – Magnifying the size of the snack fools the brain, apparently. Unfortunately our brains aren’t running on empty, and we’ll need more help to reach our goal weights before London Collections: Men than a shonky pair of specs.

Donatella Versace – Wants to dress our Queen in black “and add a little leather maybe”, which may have put a disturbing image in the Oxford Union’s heads when Donatella addressed them this week.

Jean Paul Gaultier misses Paris menswear week – Obviously incensed by Lanvin’s ‘homage’ to him for their Autumn/Winter 2012 menswear, JPG bows out – but promises a typically gender-bending spectacular for his couture collection.

Party Poopers – The invite said “HOT”, the reality was tepid prosecco, bowls of Devil’s-own-bark-chippings aka Twiglets, and someone off daytime telly. Sort it out.

‘Prometheus’ – Fantastic if you live in a cave and haven’t seen any films in the ‘Alien’ franchise. Otherwise it’s a sprawling mess of plot holes, inconsistencies, and sketchy characterisation.

The Olsen Twins – We’re not sure how the Council of Fashion Designers of America came to the conclusion that child prodigies and poster girls for Bag Lady Chic, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, are the best womenswear designers working in the United States today but, if we were Marc Jacobs, we’d demand a recount – and some of what the judges were smoking.

Mel B’s new body – The Always-Scary Spice and guest ‘X Factor’ judge looked more butch than usual posing in a bikini this week.
Ed Hardy’s ‘Villain’ – Possibly the worst name for a fragrance in the entire history of bad fragrance names, and even worse than Poof Diddy’s ‘Unforgiveable’ (yes, Sean, it is).

Rollergate – ‘The Only Way is Essex’ “star” Lauren Goodger came to blows with the manufacturer of ‘Sleep-In Rollers’ after launching a similar product, leading to a protracted and gloriously messy public twitter slanging match. We’re not sure how much “intellectual property” is involved in an invention which has been used for centuries, but we’re positive that both companies did well out of the resulting tabloid coverage

‘Revenge Wears Prada: The Devil Returns’ – Blame Meryl. If it wasn’t for her scene-stealing portrayal of Miranda Priestley, Editor-in-Chief of Runway magazine, Lauren Weisberger’s inane chick lit would’ve sunk without a trace.Instead we are now to be subjected to a sequel to ‘The Devil Wears Prada’, in which our titular heroine Andy Sachs helms a bridal magazine. Brace yourself for a series of Bridezilla, fashion bitch, and mag hag stereotypes, a lukewarm plotline, and the inevitable screen adaptation of what promises to be the essential poolside read in Marbella next Summer.

Weekly Barometer compiled by Lee Clatworthy (@TeamChutzpah) and Katie Chutzpah (@KatieChutzpah). Please let us know what you think of our likes/dislikes. Thanks!

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