A light hearted look back over the past week’s good, bad and indifferent including the “don’t even go there’s.”
Opening ceremonies – Finally, Great Britain has found something we can do well, besides bitching about the weather and edgy street fashion.
Superhuman Paralympians – Who can fail to be over awed at the mental and physical strength it takes to overcome disability and perform at world level, creating world records?
Celine’s block colour coat with leather lapels – A little bit mannish and roomy, which is why we’re all crossing our fingers and hoping that Zara comes up with a decent affordable version.
Chanel’s new Rouge Allure satin lip colour in Incandescente – Is there any shade more appropriate than a fiery red Chanel for Ms Chutzpah, termed incandescent? No, we don’t think so either. Available nationwide from 14th Sept priced £25.
Condescending Corporate Brand’s Facebook page – Anyone working in social media for any multi-national brand should be reading this page and weeping, as it cleverly skewers the cynical manipulation used by larger companies.
Silvia Furmanovich jewellery – Brazil has brought us some brilliant fashion exports, and next up is designer Silvia Furmanovich, whose intricate, antiquey jewellery, combining precious stones and materials inspired by the designer’s travels, are future investment pieces.
True Religion’s Baja Sean western shirt – This denim western style shirt with Mexican blanket details ticks a lot of Team Chutzpah’s boxes. (£215)
Autumn television – This series of ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ (Channel 5) is one of the best yet, but we have ‘Doctor Who’ *loud squeal from Team Chutzpah* and the return of ‘Dallas’ this week too. We’ll be tuning in just to ponder how much of Linda Gray’s face is original.
Isabel Marant Etoile knitwear – Chunky, understated, and ideal for the rapidly approaching winter months. Available from Matches.
‘Marilyn’ – Marilyn Monroe was a loyal Ferragamo customer, and is credited with putting the designer’s name on the fashion map, so who better to host an exhibition of exclusive and previously unseen images of the enduringly iconic Hollywood star than the Museo Salvatore Ferragamo in Florence. Running from 20th June 2012 to 28th January 2013, there is also a lavish coffee table book to accompany the exhibit. (Pictured is the red Swarovski crystal shoe designed especially by Ferragamo for Marilyn).
DSquared2’s Gods of Hedonism toga party – Yes, there’s nothing worse than reading about an extravagant party that you weren’t invited to, and oh how we wish we had been invited to Dean and Dan’s decadent Mykonos soiree.
The Cher Lloyd fragrance – WHO? Redefining the term ‘celebrity fragance’.
Flashmobs – Especially when they involve some form of ham acting Shakespeare or are the result of some desperate attention seeking marketing ploy by some hapless ‘condescending corporate brand’ (see above). Not. Ever. Cool.
The “Heritage” menswear mountain – With shops swamped with shooting patches and tweed, heritage-inspired men’s fashion is almost as much of a cliché now as the skinny Dior Homme aesthetic that refused to leave the high street for years. It’s now time to move on to something new.
Pink – In Autumn? Sorry, we’re just not feeling it.
Julie Goodyear eating a banana on CBB – Way beyond TMI territory, and even the surfeit of leopard print and eye make-up isn’t enough to scrub this image from our minds.
Placenta shampoo – Colour us squeamish, but we’re still feeling a tad delicate after all that fruit fellating on ‘Celebrity Big Brother’. Couldn’t the manufacturers think up a pseudo-scientific name to disguise this grisly ingredient like they do normally?
Kim Kardashian’s wardrobe – Up for sale on eBay, because Kanye decided she looks like a J.C. Penney J-Lo with a tenth of the talent. We’re far more excited by the Christies’ auction of Maggie Thatcher’s old suits. If we could afford, we’d buy and burn and place M.T on top. 5th November’s not *that* far away.
Change at Vionnet – The historic Parisian fashion house recently experiencing a revival has lost its designers, Barbara and Lucia Croce, following a spat with the label’s new owner, Goga Ashkenazi. Like nobody saw that coming with the advent of a Russian tycoon.
Gary Cockerill’s Beauty Masterclass – An oxymoron if ever there was one. Ever wondered how to trowel on the slap like Katie Price and Tamara Ecclestone as well as various tasteless ‘consider themselves important’ Essex/Surrey trash? Now, for only £450, self-taught *ALARM BELL* make-up artist and friend of the “stars” Gary Cockerill will teach you how to get that fire-damaged, brown lip-liner, two tones darker foundation than required, sex doll look.
Pippa Middleton’s ‘Celebrate’ – If Pippa’s guide to partying is anything like the family company’s blog (sample content “Adorn guests’ cups with fun sparklers, straws, and umbrellas, giving them a carnival feel”) then it should be a buttock-clenchingly comedic read.
Prada Candy limited edition – The strapline “Candy is excessive” says it all. That’s £2500 of excessive, for a 900ml bottle in a bright pink leather case. For a perfume clearly pitched at the youth market. It makes you wonder who’s going to buy it?
Shia LaBeouf’s retirement from Hollywood – Yes, we’re sad to say that the star of cinematic epics such as, um… ‘Transformers: Dark of the Moon’ and ‘Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’ is waving goodbye to major motion pictures which made his name. “There’s no room for being a visionary in the studio system. It literally cannot exist. [The studios] give you the money, then get on a plane and come to the set and stick a finger up your ass and chase you around for five months”. We think Shia might come to regret those words when the world gets bored of him getting his junk out for indie music videos.
Boast posts – We might care about your latest spendy purchase if you had made it with your own money, or if it didn’t involve a Twitter-publicised trolley dash in a designer’s studio. No, actually, scrub that. We wouldn’t give a damn then either.
Weekly Barometer compiled by Lee Clatworthy (@TeamChutzpah) and @Katie Chutzpah