Ta da! THE KATIES 2012

by Katie on January 3, 2013

2012 was something of an “annus horribilis” Chez Chutzpah, with both of our lives dogged by personal tragedy throughout. Luckily we’re able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves down, open up a whole huge can o’whoopass, and present to you the annual Katie Awards…..


AMAZING! 

OUR UNSTOPPABLE FORCE IN FASHION AWARD – Riccardo Tisci, a designer who continues to rightly receive slavish adulation for not only his womenswear and couture, but his menswear collections as well. In fact, when Givenchy announced its decision to withdraw from the forthcoming Paris couture schedule the Samaritans opened up a dedicated line for devastated editors. Probably.

THE ‘BIG LINDA’ PRIZE FOR ENDURING BEAUTY – Natalia Vodianova, the Russian stunna whose career seems to show no sign of slowing down, despite being the mother of three children. Natalia may have only come third in Forbes’ list of top-earning models, but her work with Mario Testino for British Vogue, and Mert and Marcus for W magazine, puts her number one on our list.


THE MARY POPPINS AWARD FOR ‘PULLING IT OUT OF THE BAG’ AND SURPRISING EVERYONE – At the start of the 2012, with reports of spiralling costs and unfinished development, the London Olympics looked like it might be a damp squib. However Lord Coe, ably abetted by director Danny Boyle, turned it around, and provided a spectacle that the whole country could be proud of.


INSPIRATIONAL FASHION ICON AWARD: Darwin the Ikea monkey – If we were ever found abandoned and distressed in an Ikea car park we hope we’d be sporting a statement coat like Darwin’s too.


INSPIRATIONAL FASHION ICON AWARD#2: Grace Coddington – “Any old shit can go down the runway and they all sit there and clap”. God we love Grace, the creative heart of American Vogue, and the only person with the smarts and, dare we say, CHUTZPAH to lock horns with uber-editor Anna Wintour.

THE AUNT BESSIE “WE CAN’T BELIEVE NO ONE THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE” AWARD – London Collections: Men’s first season was a resounding success, attracting buyers and journalists alike from all over the world, resulting in a shot in the arm for both British contemporary menswear and Savile Row tailoring’s profiles.


THE SOLANGE KNOWLES AWARD FOR BEST KNOWLES SISTER GOES TO…Solange Knowles – Whilst her sister’s pregnancy grabbed all the headlines, Solange quietly slunk away to work with credible producers such as Aaron Pfenning of Chairlift, and critically-acclaimed electronica artist Dev Hynes from Blood Orange, returning in October of this year with the moody, Patrick Leonard era Madonna homage ‘Losing You’. The beautifully-shot video accompanying the single was on constant rotation at Chutzpah Mansions for weeks.


THE SWEET SUCCESS OF SMELL AWARD: Roja Dove – In a year of many mass, insipid, uninspiring scents with insipid, uninspiring names like Encounter and Manifesto, the noses’ nose Roja Dove delivered possibly our favourite fragrance of 2012 in Fetish, a huge, sensual, seductive chypre.


NOT-SO-MUCH-THIS-YEAR’S-AS-THIS-DECADE’S OVERNIGHT SENSATION IS…Roksanda Ilincic – The Serbian former model and designer finally crossed over this year from fashion’s best-kept secret to every girl’s best friend thanks to the Margot, one of those dresses (like the Galaxy) that becomes famous by name alone, and shortlisted for the British Fashion Council/Vogue Designer Fashion Fund – despite showing in London for almost ten years.


CHUTZPAH’S HEROES OF TWITTER – In a sea of self-publicists, Ivory Tower-dwelling fashion editors, and humourless brand positioning, catsarsePR (@catsarsePR), Pippa Middleton Tips (@Pippatips), and Condescending Brand (@Corporate_Brand), shone a light onto the shallow vacuity of fashion PR, modern celebrity, and social media respectively.


AWFUL!

2012’S SUPERVILLAINS – The multinationals taking your money and running without paying any UK tax. Consumer power forced Starbucks into stumping up a paltry £20million in corporation tax, and confidence in other offenders, such as Amazon and Google, dipped. Whilst chancellor George Osborne used the UK’s imminent stewardship of the G8 council to as an excuse to sock it to tax havens, little was said about the personal tax arrangements of Tory darlings such as Gary Barlow, Simon Cowell, and Tracey Emin, or even the cabinet front bench itself.

FASHION PARODY OF THE YEAR – Anna Dello Russo’s ‘Fashion Shower’ viral flick for her H&M collaboration. What do you mean, it wasn’t a parody?

THE LADY GAGA “ARE YOU STILL HERE?” AWARD FOR MYSTIFYING SURVIVAL – We’re not quite sure how, or even why Next is still here and profiting, we can only assume that there’s a lot of dowdy housewives and “trendy” dads propping up their sales. Special mention too for French Connection, another company supplying boring duds at unreasonable prices. It isn’t any wonder that Zara parent Inditex’s profits rose 27% in the last nine months.


THE LADY GAGA “OH PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON LUV…NO, NOT THOSE ONES” AWARD – Rihanna. Oh Ri-Ri, it could’ve been so great, yet her personal style has been usurped by something far more attention-grabbing, leading to iffy outfits, even worse life choices (would any right-thinking woman get back with the man who beat the crap out of her?), and a habit of flaunting her bare flesh at any and every available opportunity. Maybe if Rihanna spent time wasted on Twitter in the recording studio her records might be better? #justsaying


CHUTZPAH’S FACE OF MODERN RELIGION AWARD – The Pope. Yes, there are lots of evil, hate-filled pious nutters in the world today, but none moreso that the leader of the Catholic church, a man so malignant he makes Jimmy Savile seem like Father Christmas, spouting his despotic rhetoric to his millions of followers in the insane belief that good, right-minded Christian people might start believing it, instead of just a delusional minority.


THE HAZELL DEAN “MAYBE WE SHOULD CALL IT A DAY?” AWARD FOR OVERSTAYING YOUR WELCOME: ‘The Zzzzz Factor’ – This year’s ‘X Factor’ united a nation, as millions of us took to social media to slag off the transparent farce’s clueless judges, iffy styling, and self-promoting talent vortices such as ‘Grand High Priestess of Rubbish Queens’, Rylan Clark, or landfill grime act MK1.


THE MAYAN APOCALYPSE PRIZE FOR DISAPPOINTING ANTICLIMAXES – When it was announced that Raf Simons and Hedi Slimane would step into the creative director roles at Dior and YSL respectively, much was made in the fash mags of the new mood set to sweep fashion.  The resulting collections, pleasant though they were, were deeply mired in the heritage of both houses, and far from directional.


THE DUPONT AWARD FOR TENACITY – David Cameron’s suits must be fashioned from Kevlar, as our Prime Minister has managed to slither his way out of so many potentially damaging situations this year, including his relationship with both former and existing News International employees during the Leveson enquiry, and various u-turns concerning party policy, tax increases, and legislation. Whilst we can’t wait to see the back of oily Cameron, we’re also aware that, with Boris Johnson and Michael Gove lined up as possible replacements; the grass is looking fairly threadbare on the other side.


THE “SERIOUSLY, WTF?” AWARD FOR BRAND DEVALUING– The announcement that J.W. Anderson would design a collection for Versace’s Versus label was shocking enough, but nothing prepared us for PPR recruiting Alexander Wang as replacement for Nicolas Ghesquiere at Balenciaga. Whilst industry talking heads hedged their bets, and their advertising revenue, and declared the decision a sound business move, anyone with any respect for Cristobal Balenciaga’s legacy found the appointment to be yet another example of the dumbing-down of historic fashion houses.

THE ONE TREND NO ONE WANTED BACK YET, VOILA, HERE IT IS: The Kidult – In 2011 we lost ourselves in nostalgia, this year we regressed into childhood, casting off the shackles of adulthood by donning infantile all-in-ones, dining on ironic gourmet burger van fayre, and dancing “Gangam Style”. With an economy barely in recovery, a rise in racial intolerance, and an increasingly inept government, 2013 isn’t going to be a walk in the park – so it’s time we all grow up and take some responsibility for our future. LOOK OUT 2013, CHUTZPAH’S COMING TO GET YOU!

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